lol Katz
yes very true..the look on the guy's face would of been....PRICELESS pmsl

A bloke desprate to use the toilet in a hospital is told by the nurse to use the ladies, but NOT to touch any buttons on the wall.

Inside there are 4 buttons marked WW, WA, PP & and a red one marked ATR.

Curious he pressed WW &was gently sprayed with warm water.

He then pressed WA & warm air dried him.

PP produced a powder puff so he decided to finish with ATR.

He woke up in hospital bed and the same nurse says "ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover. Your c**k is under the pillow!!!


That'll teach him lmao

Hi Sexci

Good Lord girl, I came out of surgery yesterday and have just read this...amongst joyous tears and snorting, hell it hurts to laugh!! Bless you my dear, I sure needed it!

Cheers
Katz

ROFLMAO sexci, that really is a great one

A MILLION YEARS


A young man asked God how long a million years was to him.

God said, "A million years to you is like a single second to me."

The young man asked God what a million dollars was to him.

God replied, "A million dollars to you is like a single penny to me."

The young man said, "Could I have one of your pennies?"

God smiled and said, "Certainly, just a second."

20 REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX



* You can GET chocolate.
* "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
* Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
* You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
* You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
* You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
* If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
* Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
* The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
* You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during
* working hours without upsetting your work mates.
* You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
* You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
* With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
* Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
* You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
* Good chocolate is easy to find.
* You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
* You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
* When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.

Hi Lukehear

Mmmm handmade dark chocolates are devine...better than sex??? Hmmmmm, actually the two combined are sumptuous!!


Katz

Penis problems



A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint.

"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "Is there anything you can do for me?"
The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do.
But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you."
So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story.

"Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope."

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"
The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO."
The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter.
"WOW," he screamed out, "this is great! But it's still too long at 20 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again."
"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"
The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter.
The man laughed, "This is fantastic."

He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal.
Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?" The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you?

NO, NO, NO!!!

Hi Lukehear

Love it! lol A mere case of "Bugger"!


Katz

Hi All

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here'.
The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have football boots.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'

Boy - '$750'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'

The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'

The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a $1,000.'

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'.

'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sin.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here'.

The priest says, 'Don't start that sh*t again you little pr*ck, you're in my cupboard now'!!


Katz