Hi ALL


LITTLE FLAB!!

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife,
pinched her on the butt and said...

'If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.'

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.

The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch, on each of her breasts and said...

'You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra.'

This was beyond a silent response.

So she rolled over and grabbed him by his 'DANGLER' with a death grip in place, she said...

'You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of...

The gardener

The postman

The pool man

And

Your brother!'


Katz

Love it Katz that will teach him.

keep the jokes comming folks.

Hi Lukehear

Love it, thanks! Now one must go get crick out of neck!!

Katz

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.


2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.


3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.


4. People call at 9 PM and ask, Did I wake you????


5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.


7. Things you buy now won't wear out.


8. You can eat supper at 4 PM


9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.


10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.


11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.


12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.


13. You sing along with elevator music.


14. Your eyes won't get much worse.


15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to payoff.


16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.


17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.


18. Your supply of brain cells are finally down to manageable size.


19. You can't remember who sent you this list

CAT COMMANDMENTS >^,,^<

1. Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.
2. Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
3. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off of the roll.
4. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor, as thou art not transparent.
5. Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
6. Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
7. Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
8. Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap region.
9. Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
10. Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
11. Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou will fall in and trap thy self.
12. Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat, just as thy human is sitting down.
13. Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 am.
14. Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
15. Thou shalt not trip thy human even if they are walking too slow.
16. Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in the house.
17. Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
18. Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

Thanks Sexci and Lukehear

Always appreciated!

Katz

Lack of Vision
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her Grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.'

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago , realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to d o it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.' She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if the ice Cream truck hadn't come along.

Lmao very good jemmy