thats sum pretty lethal info there alzo! heres a quickee
a blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, wanna hear a blonde joke?
in a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, before you tell that joke, you should know something.
our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. im a 6´ tall, 200 lb black belt, the guy sitting next to me is 6´2, weighs 225, and hes a rugby player. the fella to your right is 6´5 pushing 300 and hes a wrestler,each one of us is blonde,think about it, mister. do you still wanna tell that joke?
the blind guy says, nah, not if im gonna have to explain it five times

LOL I like it...Now how can I get around it because just the mention of Blonde is going to get me a slap at my job LOL. No I am not sexist.

nice one no. 5
TG Im not TBB.
Swizzlestick go on, be plucky, its worth a slap or two.

i reckon this 1 fits here
2 irishmen was makin letterbombs,paddy says mickey do ya think ive put enuff explosives in this envelope? dunno says mickey, open it n see, but itll explode says paddy,mickey replys, dont be f#@!ng stupid its not adressed to you!

what does this mean? "f#@!ng" does it have something to do with 42 below?
giggle giggle

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have
a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be

In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long

Mrs. Smith fainted!!
__________________
ray

pray use ur imagination, mines past its use by date! ok heres a shorty!
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says,Thats the ugliest baby that Ive ever seen. argh!
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, The driver just insulted me!
The man says,You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I´ll hold your monkey for you.

stunned is all i can say ur 36 and say ur past it Now where does that leave me 3rd time round the clock? go on ur not even run in yet

Here are some Q&A for you

Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q. What's the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A. They don't stop for directions.

Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front
wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A. The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

Q. How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A. Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a nipple.

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.

Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A. Better traction.

Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
A. Good morning Girls

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
A. None It should be open when she brings it to you

Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
A. Miracle whip.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Hope it was fun to you no offense intended to anyone.

lawdy alzo where do u get urz from! im all laughed out but but but..
wat is the speed of dark?!

Thats easy No 5 very slightly faster than light!
the speed of light = 299 792 458 m / s
The speed of darkness = 299 792 485. 000000000001 m/s