Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor,
pharmacist or off licence about Guinness.
Guinness is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Guinness can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Guinness almost immediately,
and with a regime of regular doses you can overcome any
obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Guinness. Guinness may not
be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should
not use too much Guinness.
However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting,
incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a
desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker,
Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING:
The consumption of Guinness may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

Guinness can be substituted by RED or WHITE wine, BEER SPIRITS or any form of ALCOHOL with no loss of affect, the same side effects and warnings apply.

Collected from elsewhere and there are more!

good 1 pray! have u got 1 there for 42 below?

Jez
Its like you have been watching me

42 below can be substituted for any of the above as can Petrol, Meths etc

CAUTION This is not a recomendation to consume any of these liquids

Hmmm 42 below?? No.5 are you selling NZ's national icon over to ireland? or substituting it?

No to meths and other toxins Pray, cheers for the writeup

pray did u do some research on the 42? no shakerz not sellin or subin, jus puttin it on the map where it belongs n besides, it has 2 weeks of lastin affects, does guinness have that? any1?

No known lasting effects from consumption of Guinness in very large quantities, effects can last three or even four days but not two weeks. send me over a wee drop and I will feed it to the Scotish team for tomorrow in Murrayfield

haha pray, they cudnt handle a drop! i send the lid ova,they can do wat they want with it! or u cud jus give em a sniff of the petrol, did i jus say that?!

Seems like the Irish needed a drop of the "creathur" (poteen, 42below, mountain dew), we just didnt have it yesterday against the Scots, do you watch the All Blacks? possibly its the 42 below and not the Haka is why NZ is so good on the pitch!

hmm all blacks?! is that a new drink i dnt kno bout? haha