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Originally Posted by Pagly
"However" you are married..!!!!!!!
surely ANY 'spare' time you have should be given to your children.......what kind of an example are you settimg for them..??? or doesn't that matter to you......
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Geez, and there was I thinking I had made it clear in my post that my family comes first.
I gather from your words you believe that a person should divide their entire life between working, their spouse and their kids with a little given over to eating and sleeping. That's OK, you're entitled to that belief, but, sheesh, your life must be sad.
Personally, I also like to have a little time to myself to de-stress, take a bike ride, spend time with friends when I have the time. My wife also enjoys the ability to go out and have some time to do what she wants while I spend time with the kids. On rare occasions, we've even (this may shock your sensibilities) hired a babysitter and gone out
together.
It's called "balance" - because you can't be a worker, spouse, parent 24/7 without burning out - or so I believe, anyway.
As to your last two questions, I'll answer them later when you reiterate them
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Originally Posted by Pagly
I think the point you are missing is.....most of the women posting profiles are SINGLE...they do NOT have a Husband and Children.....
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True, most are. And some are not.
Some of those who're not single are also in open relationships with their husbands/partners.
Others are asking for "discreet" liaisons so their husbands/partners don't find out.
These latter ones I have no time for as I have no time for liars and no desire to harm another (the cuckolded partner/husband) by being proxy to someone else's deceit.
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Originally Posted by Pagly
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Originally Posted by hn12345
share good times - go out or chat or watch a movie together etc - and occasionally come together for sexual intimacies as and when suits us both.
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These are the things you SHOULD be doing with your wife.....??
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Originally Posted by hn12345
shared interests, interesting and intelligent conversations, similar tastes in movies or music or whatever.
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I thought THAT was WHY people get married in the first place...!!!!  |
Believe it or not, I have a wide range of interests. So does my wife. Some of those interests over-lap and those are things we do together. Many of our interests do not overlap and we can pursue those interests by ourselves when we have free time - it's called "not living in each others' pockets". Strangely, some people think it's quite healthy for life partners to have interests apart as well as in common.
Now, as it says in my profile and on various threads in these forums, my wife is bisexual, which means she has sexual needs that I, as a male, cannot possibly satisfy - I may be 44 but my man-boobs are nowhere near big enough (and far too hairy) for me to pass as a female. And that's not even considering the other differences between the sexes.
Anyway, as I accept and respect my wife's needs, I have no problem with her exercising her
right to have the "female companionship" she desires. Likewise, I have no problem with that right being extended to her having other male partners if she so desires - I do not own her body. A Marriage Licence is not a set of ownership papers.
So, conversely, my wife has no problem with me seeking companionship with other women.
We have something called trust, understanding, acceptance, respect... surely there's got to be a shorter term for what we have. Oh, that's it:
love.
By your above argument, you would only need to have one friend in your life as that friend would fulfill all the duties of a friend and stimulate you on every possible level and having another friend would be a) pointless and b) unfaithful to your friend.
Personally, I have a few good friends and, as humans are not interchangeable, they are friends for different reasons. We have different things in common but they are all equally loved as friends. With one, I might spend many hours hunting or riding motorbikes, with another I would spend many hours discussing religion or politics - each has their unique value depending on what mood I'm in at the time. And who knows, we might all get together with our partners for a night of 10-pin bowling.
I do spend time with my wife and children engaged in activities we share in common, but the scope is there for us both to spend time apart from each other with friends/lovers with whom we hold
other interests in common.
And maybe all of us get together for something we all enjoy as well. Personally, I get on quite well with my wife's other partners, they're nice people.
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Originally Posted by Pagly
I think for you the TRUST means you trust you will NOT get found out......and the "Understanding " is that if things go wrong it is UNDERSTOOD that you are out of there....????.......  |
Found out about what? By whom? My wife knows I'm on here, and she's been present when one of her bisexual girlfriends has come to visit and we've had threesomes. Aside from a few gossip mongers and arrogant overly-moralistic twits, I'm not worried about "being found out". And if said twits found out, why would I want "out of there"?
You made the assumption that because I am married, I was cheating on my wife - despite the contents of my profile and my many posts on the topic of cheats and liars in these threads.
Rather than seeking to understand me, you saddled up your moral high horse and launched into accusations that I would betray people I care about.
Could I have possibly avoided your actions? Why, yes. I could have lied from the outset, posted that I was single and seeking a life partner when I wasn't really. I could have deceived a number of women and then had them hurt when they found out the truth. And you'd have been none the wiser - you would have had no call to jump to conclusions about me, your high horse would have remained unsaddled and I would not have had to endure a diatribe of abuse and accusation at your hands.
Sadly, however, I am honest and will not lie. Not even to placate those - such as yourself - who would condemn me, nor to avoid condemnation.
So I have honestly stated in this and other threads and in my profile where I am at and what I am about.
Regrettably, honesty is a crime in today's "Moral" society.
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Originally Posted by Pagly
Again I ask you what type of Moral Standards are you setting for you children..?
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Ah, the reiteration. Whew, check out the capital letters - bet you can pronounce them, too.
OK. My kids are too young to understand about sex and sexual relationships and we do not bonk in front of them - neither with each other nor anyone else.
When they do get older, they will undoubtedly find out but by then they should have learned:
Be truthful and honest.
To thine own self be true - and conversely, allow others to be true to themselves.
Accept other people's differences.
Be fair.
Listen to both/all sides of any argument before making up your own mind.
Harm no one.
Self respect and respect for others.
To make their own decisions in life.
That they are loved by their parents.
As to whether I care what example I set to my kids, I certainly do and so what I
won't be teaching them is:
Judgment.
Bigotry.
Arrogance.
Expecting others to live by their values.
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Originally Posted by Pagly
And if you want to get your 'jollies' off whenever you feel like it.. 1 WHY get married in the first place.... and Most importantly 2 WHY have children....
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1) Because we love each other. Why else?
2) Because we love kids and wanted to have a family together - because we love each other.
As to "wanting to get my jollies off whenever I feel like it":
As I have said repeatedly:
I have never cheated on a partner in my life.
In my previous relationships, I was quite content to be purely monogamistic.
This relationship, however is
different as my wife is bisexual. As I love her, I do not believe it is fair to expect her to give up a part of who she is and it was agreed before we even married that she could still have other partners. ("To thine own self be true" etc - it applies to her as well, she should not have to give up who she is for anyone.)
Later, as our trust grew with the relationship, we discussed things and decided between us that she could have other male partners as well as the female ones and I could have other female partners.
And it works - for us. (You will note I often warn it is not suitable for everyone and may cause problems)
Why? because we love and trust each other and are mature enough to realise that being with another "special friend" does not mean you've ceased to love your spouse.
Pretty much the same as we didn't stop loving our first child when the second came along etc - we love them all equally and for their own unique reasons.
I do not feel unloved when my wife is with someone else, nor does my wife feel unloved. On the contrary, she feels very loved because she feels understood, respected and valued.
It might have something to do with me
respecting her rights and
accepting her for who she is rather than treating her as a "piece of meat" or a possession.
Still with me? I hope so - I would hate to think I wasted my time in showing you the respect of answering you in a rational fashion (respect you failed to show to me) rather than merely reporting your post to Glenn as being abusive.
Your moral code is obviously different to mine. That is fine, I can live with that - you are entitled to your morals and beliefs.
I am also entitled to mine and I believe them to be just as valid as yours, for all they differ.
What I will not accept is being abused, especially if the abuse is based on wildly inaccurate assumptions.
Peace - and all the best in seeking what you're looking for.
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