Originally Posted by belking

What do you tell a 6 month old boy that his father doesn't want to know us. For no good reson. It is hard on me as i have fathers parents about 5 - 10 minutes up the road. What do i do. As his father sound go on with your lifes and forget about me and think i am just dead. So what do i do if his parents what to came and see us. do i say yes or no as he don't want us in his life so what do i do.

Can you also help with teething and my son not sleeping. It is sending me crazy everything that is going on. and upsetting my son.

Honesty is the key. As others have said, your son is still so young, and your feelings are still so fresh. Personally I feel that its more important right now that you deal with how you feel about the situation which I must add must be so very hard on you. Never lie to a child, its the worst thing you can do because after all your future years of good parenting that are too come, it can all come unstuck if he ever finds out the real truth. I would say when he starts going to kinder etc he will notice more that other dad's are around etc and its at that point he may start asking questions. I definately wouldn't be telling him that his father is dead though. I would state the facts, that at this point, his father just doesn't want to be around and as tough as its going to be on you, you have to try and find your inner strength and deal with the situation as best you can without putting his father down. Be confident in yourself as a mum and take it from me, you can be both mother and father to your child. Children need love and nurturing, understanding and the need to have their opinions heard and their questions answered honestly without going into extreme details and allowing your own hurt to come through. As he grows, trust me, he will figure it out for himself.

As for the child's grandparents, just because the father doesn't want anything to do with your son, doesn't mean that they feel the same way. Perhaps have a talk with them and find out how they feel, you never know, they may turn out to be very supportive and beneficial not only to your child, but to you also. Good luck and hugs to you.

Dear person with the trouble,
When i came in here i seen ur problem and i wasnt sure if i should reply or at least i do not normally reply but i think u have a serious issue here for a child's wellbeing is at stake for his future I feel the baby is only 6 months old at the moment and he is to young to understand anything that u might say now about his father i mean look at 18 year olds they still do not really understand father issues and that is at 18 so u can probably understand what im trying to say now ur child does not have the capablilty at the moment to understand i feel the child has a right to know what is happening to the father or issues surrounding the circumstances but not untill the age that ur child understands the whole situation where it does not destroy their mental state u say anything now and it may damage them forever so i think u should wait untill the child is old enough to undertsand no matter what ur feeling yes it is hard.

Hello Belking

I have always found the 'right' time to have a conversation with my children is when they begin to question life. Afterall, that is when they have been mulling over things and like to have certain aspects made clearer.

You will know, how to answer your child's natural inquisative ways, depending on the age at the time.

It is imperative that you really think before engaging in what flows from your body language, your tone, and how you choose specific words to allow the child to see, hear and feel.

What you are both discussing is NATURAL and if done without anger, fear or name calling, your child will have a better grasp in understanding.

If you are uptone and have empathy for one's behaviour........no matter how that person has treated you, then your child will also learn that this is how his Mother has best dealt with the situation.

At the time it was a difficult situation to be in, but people can not think clearly, when they are highly disturbed, loose focus, misguided anguish, or just plain lost.

Explain to your child that he will never go without love and although he may not be getting it from his biological Father, let him know that there are means and ways of at least experiencing male bondage. Be it his Grandparents, Uncles or a trusted Male friend that is happy to give your wee man the unconditional love, he so deserves.

I am happy to say that with these past experiences, of not having my X husbands input 100%, that I was able to show my children that not only did I "make do" with the situation. I also did it without loosing my, self respect, dignity, anger, etc and refused to belittle their father simply because he had lost focus in his family! I have been divorced 18 years.

My children are now 26 and 24 and the greatest reward is having them tell me that they are so grateful that I never lost focus on being the sole parent, nor did I once bad mouth, the father they have come to known!

Begin with healing how you feel and forgive with your heart and soul and your mind will loose the clutter of DIS-EASE!

Katz

Originally Posted by belking

What do you tell a 6 month old boy that his father doesn't want to know us. For no good reson. It is hard on me as i have fathers parents about 5 - 10 minutes up the road. What do i do. As his father sound go on with your lifes and forget about me and think i am just dead. So what do i do if his parents what to came and see us. do i say yes or no as he don't want us in his life so what do i do.

Can you also help with teething and my son not sleeping. It is sending me crazy everything that is going on. and upsetting my son.

Hi there...I know this is a difficult time for you right now especially that this involved not only you but your child as well..I agree with some of the comments posted you should not focus on what the father of your child wants to do with his life. Rather, give your undivided attention to your baby and everything that is best for him..

Since he is still an infant, he doesn't know yet on what is happening around him. But sooner or later he will be starting to ask questions. Just tell him the TRUTH..

I believe in total honesty with our children. But do this only when is is old enough and capable of understanding what happened in the past. Kids can always tell the hypocritical from the honest, so you might as well be honest.

He may feel bad at first for not having an ideal family or a dad that is there always but make him realize that you have been there for him eversince and managed to take good care of him alone.

Don't give up...a baby is God's opinion that life should go on! Wish you luck and happiness..

Originally Posted by belking

What do you tell a 6 month old boy that his father doesn't want to know us. For no good reson. It is hard on me as i have fathers parents about 5 - 10 minutes up the road. What do i do. As his father sound go on with your lifes and forget about me and think i am just dead. So what do i do if his parents what to came and see us. do i say yes or no as he don't want us in his life so what do i do.

Can you also help with teething and my son not sleeping. It is sending me crazy everything that is going on. and upsetting my son.

As for your other concern regarding the teething problems of your son, I found this topic on a parenting book. Hope this can help you..

Drooling, crankiness and tears can make teething an ordeal for parents and babies alike. Here's help easing the pain — for both of you.

Although timing varies widely, most babies lose their toothless grins by about age 6 months. The two bottom front teeth, the lower central incisors, are usually the first to appear.
Tell tale signs of teething often include:Drooling,Irritability,Swollen gums,Chewing on solid objects,Crankiness,Trouble sleeping ,Low-grade fever (up to 100.4 F)

Of course, some of these signs are simply part of a baby's normal development. By 4 months, most babies drool heavily and explore objects with their mouths — whether teeth are about to emerge or not.
What's the best way to soothe sore gums?
If your baby seems uncomfortable, consider these simple tips.

· Rub your baby's gums. Use a clean finger, moistened gauze pad or damp washcloth to massage your baby's gums. The pressure can ease your baby's discomfort.

· Offer a teething ring. Try one made of firm rubber. The liquid-filled variety may break under the pressure of your baby's chewing. If a bottle seems to do the trick, fill it with water — especially if your baby uses the bottle to fall asleep. Prolonged contact with sugar from formula, milk or juice may cause tooth decay.

· Keep it cool. A cold washcloth or chilled teething ring can be soothing. Don't give your baby a frozen teething ring, however. Contact with extreme cold may hurt, doing your baby more harm than good. If your baby's eating solid foods, offer cold items such as applesauce or yogurt.

· Dry the drool. Excessive drooling is part of the teething process. To prevent skin irritation, keep a clean cloth handy to dry your baby's chin. You may want to lay a clean cloth under your baby's head while he or she sleeps to keep the sheet dry.

· Try an over-the-counter remedy. If your baby is having trouble sleeping or is especially cranky, acetaminophen or ibuprofen may help. Teething medications you rub directly on the gums may wash away in your baby's drool before they have the chance to do any good.

With regard to the father wanting you to say he's dead:
Personally, I wouldn't lie. The child will have enough to deal with later in life (probably blaming himself for his dad leaving and having to learn (I hope) that it wasn't his fault after all) without resenting you for lying as well.

The only thing to do is say daddy has "had to go away" - later you can explain it was his daddy's inability to cope with the situation that was the reason he "had to go" - seems to me the best way to take the focus away from the child and put it back on the father when questions are asked.

Remember, your son is not going to be ready for an in-depth explanation for quite some time so "had to go away" will seem to answer it for quite a while and put the leaving in the father's court, not the kid's.

So much better than a lie and nowhere near as likely to be misunderstood as "he didn't want to be your daddy" (which may make the child think there is something wrong with himself that caused his daddy to leave).

"He had to go away" is technically correct - just not the whole story.

Later in life, "he was not ready to be a father at the time" - "a father", not "your father" - should confer the idea (hopefully in an unemotional way) that it was merely a matter of his father not being in the right state AT THE TIME rather than the father hating him.

As to the teething:
Sorry, mate, no advice at all. All three of our kids so far breezed through teething without a problem. The worst we got was a couple of small grizzles when cutting bloody-great molars.

Our next child may be different, however so we might be seeking advice on that ourselves. We stocked up on teething rings and Bonjela and needed neither.

Originally Posted by belking

What do you tell a 6 month old boy that his father doesn't want to know us. For no good reson. It is hard on me as i have fathers parents about 5 - 10 minutes up the road. What do i do. As his father sound go on with your lifes and forget about me and think i am just dead. So what do i do if his parents what to came and see us. do i say yes or no as he don't want us in his life so what do i do.

Can you also help with teething and my son not sleeping. It is sending me crazy everything that is going on. and upsetting my son.

Hi Belking, As a single Mum myself, and was also at your sons age heres my advice: First; Your son is only 6mnths old, and the most he needs right now is - you! I know it sounds corny, but true. You sound a bit uneasy about everything which I can understand completely. And is by the way - Completely o.k. I get the impression that it's all a bit much right now as to what you should do. Your first big step for you to help you has been to reach out to others. And ya know what? A HUGE WELL DONE & thumbs up to you for doing so! Everybody needs someone at some stage, and it takes guts to reach out to others, so... your on your way. Start with the now. Try not (I know how hard it is to do, but just try) to think about everyone else, what they are all thinking etc because if you focus on that for too long; you will feel so down on yourself and be so sad, that your son who needs you to be strong, and needs all of your love & attention;- will miss out. You need to concentrate on the goal for now. And that is your son. Deal with his parents etc. later, when you know yourself, you are ready. They can wait, this isn't about them, it's about you and your son. You haven't mentioned anything about your own family or friends, but I'll tell ya something for nothin: Have a good think while your wee boy is sleepin, about just who you could actually open up to, even a little bit, or just call to say hi. Even if you don't want to tell them anything, and just chat generally; that can help 'You' to have an out if you like, just for a while. Anyway, hope this helps. Hang in there, you'll be fine. Just be strong for your wee boy, he will give you the confidence, and in time, you will be able to give him the same back. Keep posting if you need more advice. And keep your chin up!

Hi

I too am a sole parent and my daughter's father did the same thing to us and i have learnt after 15 years of heartache that unless he comes back into the childs life, say nothing and don't feel guilty.I was lucky my parents and family stuck by us and i am grateful for that.If and when he does decide to come back, think long and hard about it. I would let his parents be a part of the childs life as long as they don;t take years to walk back into his life.You never know they may want to be a part of their grandchilds life and miss him terribly.I was left with a 12 hout old child and her father and his family wanted nothing to do with her for 6 years and since then, the last 9 years it has been hell and i am sorry i ever let them come back into her life.It is not to say that you will go thorough the same as i did.Just trust in yourself and look after yourself and little fellow.

Originally Posted by CrimsonandClover

Honesty is the key. As others have said, your son is still so young, and your feelings are still so fresh. Personally I feel that its more important right now that you deal with how you feel about the situation which I must add must be so very hard on you. Never lie to a child, its the worst thing you can do because after all your future years of good parenting that are too come, it can all come unstuck if he ever finds out the real truth. I would say when he starts going to kinder etc he will notice more that other dad's are around etc and its at that point he may start asking questions. I definately wouldn't be telling him that his father is dead though. I would state the facts, that at this point, his father just doesn't want to be around and as tough as its going to be on you, you have to try and find your inner strength and deal with the situation as best you can without putting his father down. Be confident in yourself as a mum and take it from me, you can be both mother and father to your child. Children need love and nurturing, understanding and the need to have their opinions heard and their questions answered honestly without going into extreme details and allowing your own hurt to come through. As he grows, trust me, he will figure it out for himself.

As for the child's grandparents, just because the father doesn't want anything to do with your son, doesn't mean that they feel the same way. Perhaps have a talk with them and find out how they feel, you never know, they may turn out to be very supportive and beneficial not only to your child, but to you also. Good luck and hugs to you.