JerryGString There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL

1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out
2. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
3. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Shopping is not sport.
10. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
11. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
12. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
15. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
16. Check your oil.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -not both.
21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
22. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
23. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
lol ... run a

And for the ladies ....
1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
2. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
5. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
6. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
9. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
10. Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.
11. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forest Gump is unquestionably gay.
13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
15. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
19. The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
20. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "oh alright", I'll stay the night."
22. Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with.
23. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
24. If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.
25. Sadly, all men are created equal.
26. When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you may be, you look familiar."